it is amazing how good God is... In the past few years God has done a good job destroying all that I have pursued - and I am glad. I keep seeing how much I have battled with wanting to pursue what is on my heart when I came to realize that it wont make me happy. I am at the place of brokenness in my life where what I want to do is now to seek the heart of God. This may sound real spiritual but I see that daily I dont pursue his heart as much as I want to or should. I see that what makes me valuable is being his child not what I can do for him. Now, that is not to say that I still love pursuing my dream it is just not the thing that makes me come alive. I see now that my dream is to bring him glory and not to bring me overall joy. My joy should be in knowing Christ more and more, What does that mean - it sounds like such a stupid answer sometimes to cloud the idea that we are not getting what we want so why not make it sound spiritual. So let me explain... My joy should be in the fact that I dont ever have to worry about tasting hell, that I can talk to the one who created thought and life, and I dont need to have some huge ceremony to do that. I should be happy that I can hear and see and laugh. That I have a beautiful wife and healthy son. That I can be in a place where life does not have to make sense but know that I can trust the one who gave me life. I should be satisfied in the fact that I am as important to God as King David and Paul and John, as are you. I should be happy in knowing that I have a heavenly father who has a character of love towards me ALWAYS, really ALWAYS. So I guess when I say knowing God more means seeing that i am blessed and be thankful because things could definitely be worse than they are. so What am I trying to say in all of this - I pray that as you pursue your dreams you will continue to ask God to make them for Him or to change them. Our lives are worthless if our plans keep him separate from our direction. So continue to pursue His heart and lean on Him because things will never make sense for most of us and probably never will - God is to big to make sense of so it is our job to trust... keep trudging through the muck ... it will get better, read anyone in the scriptures there is always victory...
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